Off-The-Wall

[almostcyber]

Thought I would start a Funny Pictures/Jokes section here if anyone wants to contribute.

Here's a joke and a pic to spread some around...

Air Force One crashes

Air Force One crashed in the middle of rural America. Panic stricken the Secret Service mobilized and descended on the farm in force. When they got there, the wreckage was clear. The aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hulk left smoldering in a tree line that bordered a farm. Secret Service descended upon the smoking hulk but could find no remains of the crew or the President's staff. To their amazement, a lone farmer was plowing a field not too far away as if nothing at all happened. They hurried over to surround the man's tractor."Sir," the senior Secret Service agent asked, panting and out of breath."Did you see this terrible accident happen?""Yep. Sure did." The man muttered unconcernedly."Do you realize that is the President of the United States airplane?""Yep.""Were there any survivors?" the agent gasped."Nope. They's all kilt straight out." The farmer sighed cutting off his tractor motor. "I done buried them all myself. Took most of the morning.""The President of the United States is dead?" The agent gulped in disbelief."Well," the farmer sighed, obviously wanting to get back to his work. "He kept a-saying he wasn't ... but you know what a liar he is."

[Jeff]

AH HAHAHA thats great :-P

here are some of my own...

A fireman runs into a classroom holding a screwdriver and yells: "Quick, everyone get out. This is not a drill!

A woman was on her bed in the maternity hospital in labour. She was pushing and pushing, puffing and panting, all to the encouragement of the midwife. On her final push the midwife took the baby turned and headed to another room, on the way she dropped the baby on its head. "OH MY GOD, MY BABY!!!" cried the mother. The midwife turned to look at the mother and accidently stood on the baby's head. "JESUS CHRIST! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY BABY" the mother screamed, tears pouring from her eyes. The midwife realised her mistake and lifted her foot off causing the baby to slide into the wall. "YOU ARE CRAZY! GIVE ME MY BABY" the mother shouted, getting herself into a state. The midwife then proceeded to pick the baby up and in one movement she threw it out the window. "OH MY GOD! I CANT BELIEVE YOU DID THAT! YOU ARE INSANE! MY POOR BABY! YOU ARE A HORRIBLE PERSON!" the mother screamed breaking down in tears. The midwife then turned and said "April fools, it was already dead.

An electron walks into a bar and the bartender asks him what he wants. The electron replies, "Give me a beer you asshole". The bartender says, "Woah, woah, woah... You need to stop being so negative.

A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender says, "For you, no charge.

Helium walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says "We don't serve noble gases here." Helium doesn't react.

HAHA last three were pretty bad :-P

I have some other ones... but not sure if I should post them... haha kinda mean

[almostcyber]

I also posted a image but it did'nt show up...

[FireDart]

I also posted a image but it did'nt show up...

Fixed, you posted a .php file, the site was trying to hid the image so you could not hot-link it, found a work around thought.

Just went into the source code.

[almostcyber]

that's one of my sites...guess I need to remove hot-linking?

not sure what happened there

[almostcyber]

Sunday School

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?" When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "God Almighty !" shouted Mary. The teacher said, "Very good!" and Mary fell back to sleep. A while later the teacher asked Mary, "Who is our Lord and Savior?", but Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. "Jesus Christ!" shouted Mary. The teacher said, "Very good!" and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" Again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!" The Teacher fainted.

[FireDart]

[almostcyber]

and firedart responds...{no response}

just wondering if this was a bad idea?

[FireDart]

Nah, let's try not to get to crazy thought

[Jeff]

no it was a good idea.... just bad idea on my part for some of the jokes... (they are just jokes) nothing I stand by...

sorry :-P

Ill stick to the more appropriate jokes

my bad :-P

[almostcyber]

A Blind Mans Sport

A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door and told when to jump" "My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go" "But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked. "I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground" he answered. "But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked. He quickly answered "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack".